Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Everybody Poops:

Oh yes.

Yes yes yes yes.

I have introduced the best topic ever in the history of blogdom.

Most (both) of you know that I have worked in a pharmacy for...over 14 years now. Wow!

One topic that seems to come up on a daily basis is "bowel movements"--and it really runs the gamut from lack thereof to over-production and everything in between.

You probably think I'm joking.
Look at this face.
I am not joking.

Yes, I know, just like the book says: Everybody Poops! I am a rational adult, but goodness gracious! And if you're judging me for saying it--you're probably one of the people coming in and telling me ALL about it.

"Hello, how may I help you?"
"Yes, it's been 12-hours since my last bowel movement..."
"This is the conversation I have been waiting for!"

BUT (ha ha, no pun intended) --you have no idea how many seemingly civilized people have come up to me over the years needing to talk about their shit.

Everybody wants to talk about it. In graphic detail they want to talk about it.

They want to tell me the last time they “went”…their husband “went”...their mother “went” or their child “went”…

They want to know where the Colon Cleanser is.
They want to know where the Imodium is.
They want to know where the suppositories are.

Color. Size. Heft. I've heard it all. I guess if you know my name, that means you feel comfortable enough to tell me ALL ABOUT IT. Give me a minute and I could probably Dr. Seuss it for you...
So it was green,
Or it was red--
It was bigger than your head?

I thought about it tonight, after another person came in absolutely obsessed with the fact they hadn't "gone" in some length of time.

What were they going to do? Fiber products were taking too long. Milk of Magnesium? Miralax?

I didn't know working in the pharmacy was equivalent to being a Gastoenterologist.

Have some decency--I am a young lady, after all. At least use your inside voice when telling me about the awful smell now wafting from your nether regions.

Give me a moment to run and hide behind the pharmacist.

I'll gladly SHOW you where *random name here* is, but don't tell me about specifics. I really don't wanna know. No, really. I do NOT want to have a 15-minute conversation about it. I promise. I swear. I'm good.

Would you? Could you? Promise please!
Would you? Could you? Promise me?


1 comment:

Jana said...

I will not poop on a plane... I will not poop on a train... I will not poop here....... I will not poop there......... I will not poop anywhere!


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